All of us, at least once, have been lonely. Deeply, truly lonely. Like you are so desperate that would talk with your cat, but you don’t have any and you cannot even adopt one cause you are allergic to them since you were a child. You know, those period when you would call that old uncle you never liked rather than spend another day binge watching TV.  You know exactly what I am talking about.  And when this happens, you have just one question in mind.  “How do I know new people? How to I reverse all this freaking thing?”

Guess what. It’s not so easy. Meeting new people, having a new crew is not enough. It’s not the fix you need to beat the loneliness. Loneliness is not a state of being, is a state of mind. You will feel exactly in the same way even if you are surrounded by colleagues, supposed friends, cats or dogs. You will feel lonely even if you spend 1 thousand buck on a new dress, even if you go and get a new haircut. Even if you go out with that cute but so strangely unappealing guy you met on Tinder. Not everybody that is alone feels lonely, but whoever feels lonely is alone. Nope, they are not the same thing. And yeah, you can switch from one state to the other.

First, just keep in mind you won’t feel awfully lonely forever. It’s a phase, it will pass. Like everything else in life (the good and the bad). But there is more: you can actually stop feeling this way and start being happily alone. How? Well, as a matter of fact you have to know yourself. You have to start building a relationship with you, with the inner part of your ego. How else? Who are you? What do you want? What do you like to do? Being alone means doing things you like, love and you enjoy. It’s quality time. It’s a blessing, not a curse. During the most important moments of our lives we are alone. We are born alone. Alone we start to discover the world around us. We learn alone. When we think, when we plan, we are alone. When we take a decision that matter (one of the big decisions of life) we are alone. We are deeply connected with our mind, with our knowledge, with all the tiny little things of which our personal universe is made of. If you are not enjoying by yourself, you would not enjoy surrounded by others. How do you know what do you really want to do on an average Friday night if you are not even sure of which kind of music you prefer? Given the chance which option will you pick up? Japanese or Mexican restaurant? Do you really like yoga? And that shade of classic pink? Are you wearing it cause you truly believes it’s gorgeous or just cause your boyfriend doesn’t like it when you are wearing red?

Let’s make it bigger, shall we? If one day you will earn a salary no matter what you do, the same salary… would you keep your job? If for instance tomorrow the president of the Country you are living in, will tell you “You know what? Whatever job you are doing I will give you 2 thousand euro: you can keep doing what you do or changing for something else. In any case, whatever will be your profession you will have this money”. So… in this case, what would you do?  Would you rather keep your job or would you change it? And please let’s avoid the cliché …. “I will travel forever and I will move to Thailand to live like a king”. If someone will tell you “no matter what you do, you would be happy in the long term”, would you change something in your life?

These are some of the questions that matter in life and you can find your answer learning how to be alone. You cannot understand what you want if you don’t know who you are. Seriously  why do you want be a stranger to yourself? In a lifespan the time we spend alone is the most important one. And it’s not so much as we think it is. We are always trapped in a relationship with a partner, a friend, a pet …that old uncle we never liked that stinks of wine and laugh like a hippo. So the time we got to know ourselves and to work on ourselves, is truly precious. Do yourselves a favor. Don’t waste it. It cannot be refunded, you know it right?

Love

V@g

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