a V@g's diary

Writing of witches and women


December 2016

Dedicated to a friend, that is about to get married…

What is love? According to science, love is nothing more than a bunch of hormones produced by our brain (thank you asshole, by the way….) with the only purpose to have sex and make babies. If I’d ask my mother, eventually she would probably answer that love is nothing more than an itch and it can be safely ignored. But if I’d ask my sister, she would reply that no, love is not an itch and should not be define only by science. She would add that people die for love, people search for it and sometimes they chance as well.

And for me? What is love for me? Honestly I have no idea. Love is something that I understand when I feel it. But when I don’t, well… I really don’t get it.

For what I see all around, people fall in love all the time, often in the most unexpected moment. Often with the wrong person. And they all seem happy. But… is this happiness real?

Going back to science, some studies show that love has on the brain the same effects that addictions produce. And when love ends, the symptoms of withdrawal are exactly identical. Love hurts. It causes a pain that is not only emotional. It is physical.

So, maybe, it would be better to forget about love. Cause it is dangerous. I mean, for example… fire burns. And if you get burned,  you usually do not run at the fire pit again to ‘taste that same pain’ over and over. But…

But… somehow, we seem all unable to live without love (and fire too).

Maybe we are just addicts looking for a fix. Maybe, we truly believe that this time, next time or just one day… love will be just perfect. Probably we do not even realize of falling into its net. And when we are deep into it we feel high. It is too strong. We become different. Sometimes better. Sometimes worst. Or maybe either of the two.

You would state, that probably to understand love we just have to jump in it and live it. We have to take the risk. Yeah, take the risk. Easy to say… Somehow this seems to me way to similar to a fly caught inside a carnivorous plant. When the poor thing realizes that it is trapped, it is too late. Love happens. Like shit. Shit happens too.

Whenever someone is in love, I do not know how to act and what to say. I wish them happiness. I wish them to live the dream. And inside I wish them to be safe, to stay strong and to remain themselves. Cause, love affects people. It changes his victims every time it hits. In the Middle Age, love was pictured as a terrific god, a scary force against which there was no possibility of redemption. There was no escape route. There was only submission and acceptance. And pain. So much pain (Aka Dante and Beatrice, Petrarca and Laura, Boccaccio and Fiammetta… and, let me tell you, all this love stories ended very, very, very badly… especially for the women involved, because obviously they all died…)

In those time, love was real only when it was wretched, abruptly stopped, tragically ended (if I have to be honest, this seems to me as a mock-tragic plot written by a B movie drunk author, but hey.. I am just a V@g, what can I possible know about love!)

But what about today? We all agree that love hurts. We all know this .But is it really only this? Can love be a creative force? Can love be real and still have a happy ending? Maybe… Maybe love could help us to become a better version of ourselves. Maybe love could lead us to help others as well. It could offer us the chance of sharing something and not just being sentimentally greedy. At the end we always can chose who we want to be. Even when we are in love, right? We can decide if we want to be selfish or we can choose to become more grateful, friendlier, more open-minded (We are not trees or stones… we have a strange thing called willpower… we usually forget about it… but, yeah, it’s there somewhere, hidden in the ‘whatever crap I never used’ box of our minds) But seriously, at the end love, as any other experience, can enrich us or make us poor and forgotten. It is up to us.

So, what is love? If you ask me, right now, in this moment, love is a curse. Something to stay away from. But tomorrow, or in a month, or maybe in a lifetime I may change my mind. Who knows! I surely don’t. What I know for sure is that, in this moment, out there, there is someone falling in love, someone that is making love, and for sure there is also someone that is about to get married. My friend. Yeah. She is about to get married. Maybe she is looking for her dress right now. Maybe she is trying the shoes on. Probably she is nervous or even scared. Maybe she has a long list of wishes and hopes to be fulfilled and she went through a lot to reach this moment.

To her, the best wish I can think about is to be in love without falling out of love for herself (cause she is an amazing person, and it would be tragically sad loosing her, even a tiny little bit). I wish her to reach that perfect bliss, that balances love and changes it in something else, in a creative force able to turn life in a beautiful magnificence. And of course I wish her to be happy.  Not for a desire to crave or for a memory to remember. But for what she really is and want to be. I want her to be joyful in every single instant of her life. In the present. Right now, and in every single ‘now’ she will live from today until the end of time.




Time, times and a never-ending human quest

Have you ever embraced completely the moment you are living in? Have you ever experienced the present or suddenly felt suspended in time?

We always talk about how important time is. We keep repeating ourselves that we should not waste time… cause it is precious. It is the only thing that really belongs to us. The most valuable gift. And it is true. It is damned true.

But maybe, just maybe, we are doing a little mistake. Instead of considering time as one – a unity – perhaps we should start talking about times. Noun.  Plural.

Is time just one? A unique measure for everything? A sort of good that rules us all? What about the physical time and the psychological time? Are they the same? When I was a kid and my grandmother was dragging me to church one hour lasted a lifetime. Same thing every time I am having fun. I am sure it happened to you as well. How many time we are going through a nice evening and, looking at our watches, we get confused. “We lost the track of time”. Yeah, sounds so familiar, right?

Time is not one. We have many different kind of time. For the sub –atomic  particles time is reversible. They may go deep into the future and come back to the present or run even further, reaching the past. Time for them has as many directions as it is possible. For us the direction is just one, from the past to the future. From a past that doesn’t exist anymore to a future that doesn’t exist yet.

And what about the kind of time that rules the planets, the galaxies and the never-ending space? We know that, in this case, time is regulated by the expansion of the universe itself. But we do not know if it goes in one direction only, like ours, or if it is reversible. We don’t even know if we have one universe or infinite universes. What about the dark matter? And the dark energy? We call it ‘dark’ cause we do not have a clue… for us is literally dark… pitch black. Honestly speaking, we know nothing, like John Snow. Or maybe, we know just very little.

There is, anyway, one thing we know for sure: without time we would not exist. If we take an object and we launch it on a race up to the speed of light… it will disappear. Cause it will cease to exist in this time. It will be out of time.

Why am I telling you this? Maybe cause yet again I have the feeling that our society is somehow locked in a box. We are so much involved into our daily routine, our little problems, and our crisis that we forget to look at the big picture. We stop to be amazed, to be scared, to be thrilled; we give up the idea of looking for answers and we just survive. We let ourselves live. We think to be smart and clever. We consider ourselves like the top of the food chain. But the reality is that we are as ignorant as a bunch of baboons in a library. We cannot read, we do not know how. We do not have the proper knowledge. Problem is that the majority of us doesn’t even realize it.

Ask yourselves, what will remain of us in one billions years? What will happen to our idea of free will if we would discover that time is just a pattern that folds and unfolds itself along the same line since the beginning of everything? What is the meaning of anything we are going through considered under the lens of  multiple times ruling every aspect of life?

Times are relatives. And we know that. But what if times are just like spaces… something that already exists along which we keep walking blindfolded the same green mile? With no escape way. No emergency exit? What if everything we know and consider is nothing but energy, a fake, virtual reality created by someone else, or something else.

I know, there are no short answers for all these questions. It is a quest as old as the human race itself. And maybe, just  maybe, the only thing we could do, is keep searching.  Stop considering our days as a never-ending series of problems and happy occasion, and look at the sky, going back to that sense of astonishment that brought us up there, to the Moon and beyond.



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